I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
