My girlfriend figured out who you are.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
