I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
