I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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