I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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