I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
