Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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