trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
