Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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