i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
