i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
