why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
