I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
