He had one of those small greek statue penises
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
