I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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