Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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