T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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