What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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