so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
