wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
