you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
