i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
