ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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