Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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