ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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