well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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