Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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