hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
