i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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