Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
