in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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