I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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