careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
