RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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