My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
