There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
