hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
