Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
