At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am available for nakedness
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
