Dual....:-)
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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