i permit you to call me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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