Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
