D3 body, D1 cock
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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