Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So many bounce houses so little time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
