but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
