What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
