Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
