She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
