Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
