Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
