Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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