everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
