please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
