apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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