Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
