"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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