I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
