Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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