i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
