im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
