What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
