I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
