Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
