On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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