dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
